1.) I think I'm going to reduce the number of times that I say "I'm sorry..." to others. I am in a crazy season of life right now. Everyone has their load to carry and mine is no greater than anyone elses. However, in this season I'm finding that I need to be more focused on those in my immediate family. Sometimes that means emails or phone calls don't get returned promptly or I miss out on events or service projects that I would normally jump all over. I have found myself saying, "I'm sorry..." a whole lot, when really I can't be sorry. This is just a season and I will be "on the ball" again soon.
2.) On maybe a contradictory note I have realized that I feel this crazy responsiblity for my girls. I often make decisions about what we will do or not do because I want to make things easiest for them or what will make them happiest. Yesterday I served at church from 2:30-8:00. This was one of those times that I wrestled with for awhile and wanted so badly to say, "I"m sorry...". However, I went ahead and ruined their afternoon nap and well surpassed their bedtime in order to serve (and shop a little). I was so anxious that they would have meltdowns and would not be able to handle all the chaos but they are troopers and did just great. While I love schedules and protecting my little ones, it is good for me and them to be out of our comfort zone occassionally.
Along the same lines, this crazy duty feeling that I have needs to leave when others are graciously offering to help. A few weekends ago I went shopping with Lindsay and left the girls with Mark. The whole time I was so anxious to get home. It had nothing to do with missing them (although that happens too), I just feel bad giving someone else the load of carrying for the kids. I guess because I do it all the time I know what it's like or maybe because I do it all the time I have a hard time letting go of the responsiblity. I'm not really sure what to say about all of these crazy feelings, except that I need to let them go. :-)
3.) I need to always accept help when offered and ask for it when needed. I used to hate receiving help or asking for help from others (I think it goes back to the duty/responsibility thing) but since Libby has been born that has changed! Anytme help is offered I am all over it. :-) Old lady that I've never met sitting with me at Wednesday night dinner at church offers to hold Libby while I eat...sure! Man nurse at the doctors office offers to hold Libby while I use the restroom...great! You want to carry my groceries or a bag for me...ok. Silly examples but so helpful. I have learned to accept help when offered. I have also learned what kind of help is helpful for a mama and two girls! It's so funny to me to notice the old pro moms who offer help without even asking. We had lunch after church the other day and I had two girls, three bags and two trays all in my hands with no friends in sight...when a sweet lady comes by and took the bags while her husband took the trays. I can't tell you the relief that I felt. I hope to be able to offer the same help soon!
I have also been learning to ask for help...although I still hate it! Surprised me but two weeks ago I woke up with some strange symptoms...crazy season...how about a kidney stone. Yipee! With Mark traveling I have had to do my fair share of asking for help! Lindsay and Mom have both dropped everything to come over for a bit and be with the girls. Sweet Noelle has called to check on me multiple times a day and I know I could call her and she would come running! I am thankful for my family and friends.
All of this help and learning are very humbling. I hope I will escape the crazy season soon and be able to offer help to others!
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