Hope

After telling others that my cousin Samantha and her son Logan were living with us, my ears always perked up for the response.  There were two different responses.  First, the old, wise people would smirk and say, "How's that working out for you?"  The smirk and the know it all voice was so discouraging!  They were always the first to say that she should move out and learn on her own.  I value the advice of older, wiser people in my life so much so that I met with an older, wiser woman once a week for much of the time Samantha was with us simply to talk through the issues.  However, it seems that many have lost the hope that Christ can change hearts and lives!!

The second camp was full of the younger folks who would inevitably act like it was no big deal.  "How hard could it be to have someone living with you?"  There is no way to explain this...your in-laws (nothing against my in-laws - just the stereotype) staying in your home for 5 months maybe?  Never a moment that was your own, your entire family dynamics change.  I was thinking the other day about how hard marriage can be and you get to choose your spouse and their characteristics.  The comparison is not the same because we chose for her to live with us but without going through the year long dating process to find out if we actually liked each other!  Thankfully, we loved her but that didn't make it less hard!  We were trying to guide a child who had a child.

In some ways I feel more confused than ever about this whole situation.  I'm certainly no expert but I thought I should take a few minutes to write about the lessons that I learned the last five months that my sweet Samantha lived with us.  It's has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life and definitely of our marriage.

• Life is messy!  There are so many circumstances that could be detailed here but none of that will happen.  Family relationships and financial strain were two of the biggest complications.  I will never buy into the "american dream" of work hard and you will succeed.  The obstacles facing many people in our world today are beyond just hard work.  Thankfully, we were reminded in a sermon a couple of months in, that God is in the mess.  Jesus came to be in the mess, not sitting pretty with the white napkins.  We needed him desperately in our mess!  
• Parental impact is significant.  Duh.  My parents gave me a chance in life which is a huge reason that we took Samantha in.  Everyone deserves a chance to get out on the right foot.  Parents can give you that opportunity or take it away.  I'm talking financially but more importantly with values and life lessons/skills.  Am I teaching my children the values and skills that they will need to succeed in life?  Even the basics like saying thank you is huge!    
• Ask questions.  You must ask questions in order to learn and grow.  We grow up in little bubbles (good or bad) and you have to get out of it to realize that the world is a lot bigger than your bubble and that people may think a lot differently than you.  Just because something has always been a certain way does not mean that it is right.  Take the time to ask questions and do some research on your own.  Another lesson that I hope to pass on to the girls.
• 2 is harder than 3.  3 just takes a lot more time.  Going from 2 children to 3 children was not that bad.  Everything just takes soooo much longer and then there are a few things that just can't be done without help.  Getting dressed takes an additional 20 minutes, cleaning up after meals is the same deal.  Not because the actual dressing a child takes 20 minutes but because of the chasing you have to do in the middle of dressing or because of other children interrupting.  Totally doable...with lots of time and patience and lots more time and patience.
• Review your vision weekly or daily if needed.  Mark and I were always on the same page in our vision of how to love God and care for Samantha and Logan.  However, we had to recommit to that vision sometimes daily in order to make it.  When things got hard, we always went back to "why are we doing this?"  We always agreed but sometimes needed to remind each other when it got tough.  
• Giving your life to Jesus.  Being obedient to his call makes that happen in new ways.  For a little over half of my life now, I have called myself a Christian.  I have chosen to follow after Christ, to put myself in His word and to serve God the best I know how.  All of this took on a completely new meaning when we had to do this on a daily basis in front of someone new.  There were moments that I wanted to yell but was instead gently reminded by the Holy Spirit that maybe I should pray instead.  We have been blessed with so much that I never had to fully depend on Christ in my daily routine until we were obedient and stepped way outside our comfort zone.
• God is faithful!  This one has been the best lesson by far!!  Through stepping out of our comfort zone, reading Scripture and studying Genesis in BSF I've seen God's faithfulness in new ways.  Once again, I think I got stuck depending on myself and not seeing how God had been working in my life.  I was amazed time after time when God would make himself evident.  There are some great stories about Chick-fil-a, Fireproof and a new friend.  Not only these but the occasional "break through" conversations that accompanied chocolate desserts.  God's timing was amazing through it all.  I've been listening to the hymn "Tis So Sweet To Trust in Jesus ' lately and the chorus says, "I have proved him o'er and o'er" I feel like God proved himself over and over to be our peace, joy, hope and Savior!  

There are a billion more lessons that we learned along the way but I think those are the ones that have stuck out the most.  I feel incredibly grateful to God and to Mark and the girls for allowing our family to have this opportunity.  We all learned lessons that could not be replaced.  The night that Samantha left Mark even said that as hard as it was, he would do it again in a heartbeat.  I am also beyond grateful that we still have a relationship with Samantha that will continue to grow.  

We don't know yet what kind of fruit this seed will bear but I do know that I will forever trust in the ability of Christ to change lives.  I will not forget the look in her eyes as we loved her with God's love.  I would also encourage others to take a leap of faith and put yourself in a place where you have to depend on Christ.  I look forward to the next adventure with our family!!