Sleepy nights

A quick story from several nights ago that I just now have time to post. Caroline has had some good sleeping nights and some rough ones. She always sleeps really well on our chests...surprise, surprise. Another surprise...mommy does not sleep well this way! We have only had 2 nights we have used this, when we were so tired and couldn't handle the crying anymore. I know it's not a good habit.

Anyway, she had been sleeping on me for awile and I was done. Mark was sleeping but I woke him up and said, "Do you want to hold her or do you want me to put her in the cradle now?" He said, "I'll take her. Come here baby." He then proceeded to pick up Sophie and put her on his chest!! "Are you kidding me?" is all that I could think to say. I then told him that if he couldn't tell the difference between Sophie and Caroline that he should not be holding her. Thankfully I put Caroline in her bed and she remained peaceful for the first time that night. :-)

I'm sure there will be many more tales, like this one. Lack of sleep is...interesting.

To Caroline, About Your Birth Day

I'm writing this to Caroline. I want her to one day be able to read about what it was like for me the night before she arrived in our arms (as opposed to riding in Mommy's belly). I know that the details of that day almost two weeks ago will begin to fade with time (I could have said with my hairline!) and I wanted some way of giving her as much detail as she'd care to read one day.

Tuesday, July 14, I got up at 5am to drive to Augusta where I worked a full day making calls and visiting distributors there. I was quite sunburnt having been out in the hot July sun most of the day. I did not spend the day working. Thankfully, your daddy has worked really hard so I have only had to work 2 days a week! On the other days before your birth, I was preparing for you! However, this day was special. Your Grandma Keszler had come up to spend the day with me. I was so glad! We spent the day doing lots of girly things, like baking, shopping and eating. What more could I ask for! Then it happened...at least I think it's what caused you to decide you were ready to join us in this crazy world. We baked zucchini bread. Mom had brought up several zucchinis and had even called my grandma to ask for her best zucchini bread recipe. We mixed it all up and put it in the oven. When I went to get the bread out of the oven something leaked. I thought my water had broken... but it didn't. However, I felt different from that point on.

I got back to Atlanta at 6pm and met Nicole and her mother at Bahama Breeze, one of our favorite restaurants. My stomach wasn't feeling too well, so I got my meal packaged to go and waited with your mom and grandma as they talked about things. We went home and I began to focus on your mother, who by this time was admitting to not feeling well. As soon as we got home, she hopped in the tub where she expected a bath to ease her cramping. When that didn't work, we decided to go on a short walk. This was later than we usually walked, probably about 8:30 or 9:00 at night. I was exhausted, but sort of excited about what may be about to happen. I guess it was either in the tub or on the walk that your mom said that she was having contractions. These aren't uncommon several days or even weeks before the baby arrives, so the word alone wasn't enough to send me racing for the hospital. I began timing them on the walk. The second contraction was three minutes after the first. Maybe this was a fluke. We kept walking, albeit very slowly. A few minutes went by and she told me that she was having another. It was nine minutes after the last time she said anything. Then she told me that she had two more since this one. We're at three minutes and I knew that it was going to be a long night. We walked back up the hill to our house and called the OB/GYN number. Your daddy is right...I was in pain. I had experienced some cramping a couple of weeks earlier so I thought it was the same thing. I hopped into the tub hoping that would ease the pain but it didn't. Off we went on our walk. I just remember having to stop and lean on your dad when I felt a contraction coming (it was just like the labor videos that you watch...I'm not to proud to admit that because I always thought those videos were cheesy). It was so strange to believe that you might be arriving soon! I couldn't believe it. After 9 months of preparation, was I really going into labor?!?

A few minutes later, sitting on the stairs, we got a call back from the on-call midwife Julie. She had been our favorite of five midwives that worked at the practice. I was glad that Julie was on call tonight, because we'd hoped that she'd deliver you. The fact that she was working that Tuesday night meant that this may really happen. She said to head to the hospital. We packed the last few things that we didn't already have ready (shampoo, my toiletries, etc). At 10:00 we were headed to Kennestone. I felt a little crazy at this point because I couldn't believe the contractions were continuing at 3 minutes apart. It was nothing like the books and classes said it would be! Your dad was a big help getting everything together. He made several trips up and down the stairs as I remembered more items that we needed...my favorite was a pillow from home that was very helpful later on. On the way to the hosptial I called your Grandma and Aunt Lindsay. They were so excited.

We went right to the third floor triage area and found two great nurses who immediately had compassion for our situation. Maria and Candace took your mom to a room while I went downstairs to register. It seemed like a small eternity before I could come up and be with her in the exam room. She was in a lot of pain at this point. She felt like she had to use the bathroom, but when she'd try, she'd just hurt more and more. It was hard to watch because I knew she was in a lot of pain. They finally measured to see how ready your mom was to deliver. On a zero to ten, we were hoping for at least a five or six, but she was only one centimeter, which meant that it could get a lot more painful. I was so surprised (and UPSET) when they checked me and I was only 1 centimeter! All I could think was what in the world is going on with me. Normally, I can handle a lot of pain and this was not manageable. There was no way I could keep going with that pain level...the constant pain and trips to the bathroom were very difficult!

The pain continued to get worse and at one point made your mom throw up. I didn't understand why this was happening and begged Maria and Candace to help her feel better. They couldn't really do anything either and considered sending us home. They gave me a parking pass and asked me to go get the car. They'd meet us downstairs. I left very frustrated that they couldn't help your mother feel better. I am getting tense as I write this because I felt so bad for her. She was in so much pain and just wanted it to go away. As I was down waiting for your mother to be brought down, she called me to say that she was staying. They'd checked her again and she was at three centimeters. I was so frustrated when they wanted to send me and daddy home. I wanted medicine to feel better. I could not fathom how I would go home and survive! Thankfully, the nurse checked me again and allowed me to stay! There was progress, and that's all they needed to admit her to a labor and delivery room. I was relieved, and excited, and tired and sunburned, and running on 80% adrenaline and 20% caffiene. I was so excited that we were about to have you join us that night. I must have floated back up to the triage room.

Candace had talked to Nicole about having an epidural, which is an injection of pain medicine into the spine that allows you to be virtually pain free while your body continues to have contractions. I remember Candace telling me that your mom has decided to do this and asked me if it was ok. It was more than OK. I really didn't want an epidural but the nurse told me it was the best idea because I was in so much pain. I just wanted to be able to move around and drink water and I was scared if I got an epidural that it would take you longer to come out...however I finally agreed. Thank goodness!

A nice nurse named Alison Taylor came in to go with us upstairs. She had a British accent and I think she was in charge. She was very nice and was going to help get things rolling. We headed around the corner to room 311. As soon as we got to the room, another wonderful woman named Catherine introduced herself. She was going to be our nurse for the night. She also was a wonderfully nice woman who validated the pain that your mother felt. She called the doctor who came in to do the epidural.

Your mom had to sit sideways on the bed while the doctor prepared the injection. She had to hold very still while he did this so that the right parts of her would be numb. It was painful. Your mom squeezed my hand as hard as she ever had while the medicine was going in. Very soon, she began to feel better. This was the best thing that had happened thus far that night. It was very close to midnight, if not a few minutes past. For the first time in several hours, you mom could take calm breaths and could actually carry on a conversation. I can't tell you how thankful I was for the epidural. It worked pretty much right away and I was so glad! The poor doctor and nurses who dealt with me before that...I became a much nicer person after the epidural!

They urged us to get some rest. It was hard because we were very excited about getting to see you soon. I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before and I headed down to the cafeteria to grab some food. I guess it was 2:00 in the morning when I was headed back upstairs. I wanted to make sure your mother was as comfortable as possible. She was, but it was hard for her to sleep to, knowing that we'd be having a baby some time that day. No one knew when you'd come, only that you'd be here before we left the hospital. It was really hard to try to sleep that night. Your daddy is right about that...we were excited!

At about three or three-thirty in the morning, they came in to check to see how far you'd progressed. They were quite suprised to see that we were at nine centimeters. They said we should go ahead and call your Grandma Keszler and Aunt Lindsay. We did, and they came to the hospital to help welcome you to the world, and to help your mother feel more comfortable. Throughout the night I kept asking the nurse, "Am I still having contractions?" Since I could no longer feel them I didn't know what was going on. I was so glad when they told me that I had progressed so far so quickly!

At about 3:45, with Grandma, Aunt Lindsay, and myself in the room, your mother began to feel sick again. I went to get the nurse and your Grandma helped your mom be sick. It was embarassing and it hurt me to see your mom feeling bad again. I wanted you to be here and knew that your mom would feel so much better also. Mom had to have an antibiotic IV and we couldn't really start to push until 4 in the morning. Grandma and Aunt Lindsay got to help your mom push a few times. I remember watching the contraction start on the monitor and pushing three times, for ten seconds each. Goodness gracious am I ever thankful for your sweet Dad, Grandma and Aunt Lindsay. They took such good care of me when I wasn't feeling well. The nurses were also very sweet and helpful! Your Daddy always feels bad when he thinks of me being sick but it really wasn't bad at all. I was more embarrassed than feeling bad. The epidural made everything great and besides that I was still excited about you coming soon!

Catherine, our nurse for the night, was amazing. She asked me to come down to look at the top of your head, barely visible from where I was standing. It was amazing, and an honor to be the second person (next to Catherine) to ever lay eyes on you. You weren't born yet, but we were all ready.

At five something, our hero Julie arrived. When she came in, we knew that you were about ready to be born. Another nurse named Allison came in to help your mom. Two other nurses came in to get ready to take care of you after you were born. The first Allison we met was also there and in all, there were eight people in the room. Six of them were professionals. Your mother and I were at their mercy. Mom pushed and pushed and pushed. She was so strong and so tough. Giving birth isn't easy, but your mom put up an awesome struggle. Let me tell you, "pushing" when you have an epidural was the strangest feeling. I could not tell if I was pushing or if I was pushing the right way. Catherine and Julie assured me that I was pushing just fine though.

Inside, you were struggling too. We were watching your heart beat through a monitor strapped around Mom's belly. We knew you were trying to come out. You were working as hard as Mommy.

I was standing up behind your mom, helping her count to ten, and rubbing her neck. She began to feel sick again and in a few seconds, she was throwing up a third time that night. I remember holding your mothers head over and holding her shoulder as she was getting sick. Every time she threw up, you came further and further. At 5:42 in the morning, July 15, 2009, I watched as you slid out, into Julie's gloved hands. Looking back it really was funny that I was sick while giving birth to you. Who could have asked for a better story to tell? I now hear that it is "normal" to be sick while pushing but no one told me that before hand! I think the best part was that the nurses kept saying, "Good job. You are doing great! The next time you get sick the baby will be here." Apparently, throwing up is a better "push" than any other push your body can do! I was just so glad to finally see you!! I remember the very first thing that I said about you after you were placed on my belly was "Look at how big her hands are!" I hope your feelings aren't hurt! I thought you were the prettiest girl I had ever seen!

You were pink and blue and red and pale and all sorts of colors. You cried right away and all the nurses said how pretty you were. I quickly cut your umbilical cord (what you had connecting you to your mother, right where your belly button is now) and the nurses showed you to Mom.

Two of the nurses helped you get cleaned off and then examined you. They checked all of your parts and made sure that you were a happy, healthy baby. They put you under a warming light to keep you warm while they checked things out. You got a 8/10 on a test that they give all babies. They don't give 10's out very often, but you were so healthy that you got a perfect score when they tested you five minutes after your birth. We think you were already showing what a genius you are going to be! You weighed 8 pounds 15 ounces and were 22 inches long. On some charts they gave us later, your height was taller than they expect. We think you'll be a tall girl.

We were so elated to know that you were finally here. Mommy got a few stiches and then took a picture with Catherine and Julie. Grandma and Aunt Lindsay got to hold you about thirty minutes after you were born. I was so excited to walk down the hall and show them the new bracelet they put on me. It meant that I was your daddy. I was a changed man forever. I am so thrilled to get to be your dad. I don't know what I'm doing now. You'll verify that later when you're a teen-ager. I hope you know that I try my best to make you comfortable, and to feed you when you're hungry. I carry you around now with pride. My life changed the morning you were born and I wanted you to know all about that experience. Caroline, I love you so much. Your mommy loves you too and is so excited about this new journey we are on together!

Like a dream

Last night was a great night for a few reasons. We had a couple of friends from Sunday School visit last night. Katie brought us a yummy spaghetti dinner and her and Adrienne both sat and chatted with us for a few minutes.

After dinner Mark took me on our first date since Caroline was born. Grandma watched her while Mark and I went to the Marietta Square and got some ice cream. Our hour away went by quickly as we chatted and watched a Michael Jackson impersonator on the stage at the square! The other thing that was really neat about being out was I think God planned a little conversation for Mark and I to overhear. We were sitting on a bench and next to us sat an older gentleman. On the bench next to him, sat a younger woman. The older man commented to the younger woman, "Are those your boys playing?" She said yes. He then said, "Doesn't it seem like yesterday that they were born?" Of course, the woman agreed. The strangers then had a sweet conversation about children and how fast they grow up. I enjoyed eaves dropping and it was a good reminder to enjoy these days.

The other reason last night was great was because Caroline was such a good sleeper. I just have to brag a little. I gave her a little snack at 10:30 and then she slept soundly until 1:00 when I fed her again. She then slept all the way until 5:00. I fed her again and then thankfully I was able to pass her off to my Mom. Caroline had decided that 5:00 AM was wake up time. I think mostly I was just thrilled because she slept so peacefully and because when she woke up she smiled and ate really well. I hope for many more nights like last night...

This is AMAZING

I doubt that any amount of reading, videos, classes or stories from friends and family can properly tell you what it's like to be in the delivery room and to watch your baby being born.  I was blessed with that opportunity yesterday morning at 5:42am as I watched while six young women helped Nicole deliver Caroline.  Then there were the people who got us to that point, the folks at our OB/GYN, the nurses in the OB triage area where they decide if you're really going to have a baby soon, or if you have to go back home. 

 

I've had anethesia to numb a tooth before and I know that it is amazing, but when it transforms your wife into a peaceful joking woman, it makes me want to hug the doctor that administered it. 

 

I'll never forget hearing our deliver nurse Catherine inviting me to look at the top of Caroline's hairy head, when that was all that was visible.  The macho man in me couldn't decline, and I'm so glad I did.  I was able to watch, through a series of three-push contractions as Caroline came to be born.  There were so many things that I could have focused on at that point.  Not passing out was one of them, but I had that under control pretty well.  There were two nurses who were there to take care of Caroline after she was born.  Until then, they had nothing to do but to watch me to make sure I was winning the battle vs. gravity.  Those two were focused on me.  I was focused on Nicole.  She was focused on Caroline.  Nice little system we had set up there.

 

As soon as Nicole pushed that final time, and Caroline rotated onto her back (as if to greet her mother face to face), I'll never forget what I saw at that moment.  I saw a baby who honestly struggled to be born, who worked as hard as her mother did to join us that morning.  There were colors and things that I suppose make some look the other way.  What I saw was an amazingly beautiful and strong baby meet her mother for the very first time.  They were best friends instantly. 

 

Among the many things I learned that morning are these:  The cord is tougher to cut than you may imagine, and that things don't always go according to plan, but that those things just add to the story we begin building from day one!

baby world

Today I met my friend Noelle and her son William at North Point mall. We walked and talked and enjoyed smiling at William as he wandered freely through the mall. We had a good time.

I learned more about being a mom today when we visited the mall playground. It was a CRAZY place! It was so interesting to see all of these kids running around and to watch as their moms interacted with them and with other moms. I will just tell one of the crazy stories from play ground time. William is 18 months old so he is a little fellow. He had just taken a very small fall and was picking himself up when an older boy came over, he was maybe 3.5 or 4. The older boy took his arms and wrapped them around William (this is all slow motion for me). I thought he was helping Willliam up or giving him a hug since he fell but the next thing I know his arms are all the way wrapped around him and then he falls backwards, purposefully, to the ground. The little boy body slammed William!!! I think he has been watching a little too much tv!! William just got right up again, like who they heck are you. He wasn't phased at all but all I could think was this is crazy. The little boys Mom came over and kind of fussed at him but let him keep playing. A few minutes later the little boy came over and tried the same move. This time Noelle was fast enough to catch him before the body slam. A few minutes later we saw the boy body slam another little girl. What is wrong with this Mom? I hope I am nothing like her! I also hope Caroline is nothing like her son! I'm not sure how much time we will be spending at the mall play ground!!

Change

So I've finally decided to write and I'm writing the obvious. Change happens, it's a part of life. However, change never ceases to surprise me. We are getting ready for a big change. People constantly say, "A baby will change your life." or "Your life will never be the same again." Yeah, I don't know exactly how it will change but I'm sure that it will change!

However, the truth is that I have not really been thinking about the change. We took a quiz in Sunday School the other day on the seasons of marriage. Mark and I took the quiz separately but both ended up with the same result. We are in the season of summer, which is defined by words like satisfying, peaceful, committed, trusting, understanding, comfortable. I truly feel all of those things which is good. But when I look back at the quiz I think we should be in the spring season. Spring is defined by fresh, anticipation, making plans, willing to change, hopeful. All of these words seem to better describe how we should be feeling. As I talked with Mark about it on the way home I came to the conclusion that I am enjoying this moment now. Of course, I will be thrilled when Caroline arrives (which could be any day now). But I'm also just really at peace with our life now. I don't really care to rush forward into this change. I sort of feel guilty for not being overly anxious for her to arrive.


Is my lack of anticipation truly because I'm enjoying the moment or is it because I'm afraid of change? Tonight we went over to our neighbors home for dinner. Mark and I have said from the day we met our neighbors on either side how grateful we are for them. Both families love the Lord and have been extremely gracious to us! As we have lived in our home and talked about our future here, one thing we always said was we didn't want to move because we might never end up with neighbors as good as ours again! However, change happens. Our neighbors told us tonight that they will be moving in the next several months. We are very excited for them. Greg is going to be the District President for the Lutheran Church and they will be moving to Orlando. God has prepared them for this step but I'm not ready to lose my sweet neighbors. This change has surprised me and I'm not ready for it.


I think through all of this God desires for us to be in the moment, enjoying the blessings that he has given us. However, I know God has bigger and better things always in store. I need to be open to change, when it surprises me or even when it's been growing in my belly for 9 months!