Softball...

I have a love/hate relationship with softball.  I love to compete.  I love to be on a team.  I love to be outside.  I love to play.  I hate making mistakes...and lately I've been making a lot of them!  In softball there is rarely a chance to redeem yourself after a mistake and it just makes me feel like I'm going crazy. 

I have been playing in the co-ed softball league at church for the past couple of months.  After the first few games I came home and whined to Mark that the boys kept cutting me off and not letting me play.  If girls get to play on the team then you have to treat them like teammates and back them up.  There is no need to cut them off just because you think they can't handle the ball.  I was discouraged to say the least. 

Then it happened...two weeks ago a fly ball was coming to me.  I was all set...ready to catch it.  My first catch of the season.  I was playing right field after all!  I position myself, put my glove up and out of center field my good buddy comes running over yelling "I've got it."  NO WAY - this is my ball.  I told him so and tried to focus on the ball but it was too late - I missed it!  I went home devastated and discouraged again but the problem was I could not let it go.  I replayed it over and over in my head.  How could I have missed the ball?  I mean I was in the perfect spot!  I was distracted but I was so close to catching it.  The ball hit my glove for goodness sake! The frustration that I felt over making a mistake was eating me up!! 

A few days later I went to Sunday School - tada!  If course, God would be trying to teach me something.  We talked about pride.  I had been processing my thoughts and feelings since the game but as soon as I heard the word "pride" I knew that's what I was dealing with!   I was so prideful about my softball skills (or lack thereof) and was offended that these boys wanted to cut me off.  Then my pride was hurt when I didn't catch the ball.  That was my chance to prove to the world that I could play, that I was the real deal and I failed. 

After acknowledging my little pride issue I prayed about it and asked God for a new attitude.  I can honestly say that I have gone into the last two games with a cheerful heart.  I have been grateful for time with other adults and have looked forward to playing.  In the back of my head I kind of thought that since my attitude had changed that maybe God would give me another opportunity to prove myself and He has... but again ...fail!  I missed another fly ball tonight and missed a throw to home plate while I was playing catcher.  The crazy thing is that all three balls touched my glove and I should have/could have caught all three... but I didn't.  After missing the balls tonight I was reminded that even though I'm ready to tell God that I have learned a lesson and that we can move on that he still may not be finished with me.  There may still be some pride issues to work out.  :-) 

I'm also wondering if there may be some other reasons to play softball.  After getting home at 10:30 from our late game, I spent the next hour talking with our babysitter.  She was having a hard time and needed a listening ear.  If it wasn't for these silly softball games we wouldn't have the opportunity to talk.

I'm going to try and focus on the "love it" part of the game for the next few weeks.  I am thankful for these lessons that I'm learning even if it means that my ego may have to suffer a bit.  I know deep down that I really can play!  :-)