Stay at Home Mom!?!?

I never in my life thought that I would be a stay at home mom. I think truthfully I never really thought about having kids or what that would be like in general. Not that I didn't want kids, I just didn't think about it. I always thought that I would work. My parents instilled in me a strong desire to work and to succeed at whatever I did. However, as Mark and I have talked about having a family, it has become more clear that I would be staying at home or working just a small part-time job. Mark works really hard to provide for us and with him traveling a good bit of the time it does not make sense for me to work too. Our poor children would feel parentless! For several months, I really struggled with that idea. I want(ed) so badly to contribute. A great deal of my self worth was attached to how much I worked and what I did for a "living." Taking part time jobs was very humbling, to say the least! However, the past couple of weeks I have finally felt a little more peace with this role. There is always so much to do around the house and I have begun to find the importance of keeping things organized and in good shape. When things at home are calm and orderly, it allows Mark to feel peace and for us to enjoy time together when we are not working.


Although, I have come a long way in dealing with this, it's still a struggle. I occassionally still look for jobs that I might enjoy. I sent Mark a job posting last night and said, "What do you think?" I truly wanted his opinion. He said I would rather have you stay home than work (this is not out of his selfishness or him trying to keep me caged up and not pursuing my "dreams" - I realize it may sound like that). The truth is that I am grateful for a husband that knows me and knows my struggles. The job that I was looking at was working at a non-profit with abused and neglected children. Mark said that my heart was too big for a job like that and that I would be sucked in and be torn between my family and my job. So smart! After thinking about that for just a short moment I knew he was right!


So, I'm still adjusting to the idea that I will be a stay at home mom, realizing that my worth does not come from a job title or a paycheck. I know once the baby arrives that I will realize it is the right decision. And honestly, I keep saying I will be a stay at home mom but really I will be keeping two of my part-time jobs (teaching water aerobics twice a week, working at the hospital one day a week). I enjoy these two little jobs and they will give me time to be out in the "real world" but plenty of time to be home and take care of what is most important! There are lots of lessons to be learned and I know I should be grateful to be learning this lesson before the stress of a baby arrives!